Put Salt In My Wounds
by XionTheBlackRose
Summary: After Sora's father dies in a car accident his mother just isn't the same. She's started beating Sora for every little thing. With Sora the only one who knows this, will he trust his friends with the secret or will he suffer alone? When Sora can't take the abuse anymore and turns to drugging himself with pain relievers, can Riku save him before it's too late?
1. Repetition

I don't know why it started, but I know when. It was the day we lost him, and she fell farther than I did. Why, I'm still not sure. Something snapped inside her and she couldn't take it. She had _changed_.

About five years ago my dad was killed in a car accident on his way to work. It was hard to take, I almost didn't believe it. I found a way to cope. I know it may be sappy, but Kairi told me if helped her when she was upset, so I started writing poetry. As it turned out, I wasn't that bad at it. So that's how I found closure, writing out my feelings. But Mom, something didn't work with her.

She couldn't cope, and she fell from herself, from her past, her own former being. We have a secret, she and I. I'm not allowed to tell. On the outside, nothing's changed, she's always nice when people are around, and I guess I like those fake moments more than what happens when we're alone. She has started hit me, at first it wasn't noticeable, I didn't realize the pattern, until a month later.

She started with hitting me for little stuff, like I forgot to put something up, or I made a mess after she had just finished cleaning. I was ten or eleven then. It got worse as I grew up. I'm sixteen now, and I'm still trying to invent new ways to hide or tell off all the bruises I keep getting. No one can know. As messed up as my family is right now, I don't want it to go away.

I've already lost my father, I won't let them take my mother away too. I know I must be crazy, to want to live with an abusive parent. I have but one reason, and it's the strongest; I still love her.

* * *

Walking to school was a chore, it was a long walk, but Mom won't drive me. So I have to get up extra early to make it on time. We live so far out, the buses don't run by my house. I used to catch the bus at Riku's, but for some reason I'm not allowed to anymore. Riku won't tell me why, but I guess I don't need to know. So here I am, it's five-thirty in the morning, it's still dark outside, and I'm walking to school.

I don't mind it really, the walking. It gives me time to think, though I hate getting up in the morning. I'm just not a morning person, I guess. I like walking by and looking at the houses, there's always a new car in the driveways, or a new coat of paint was added. About half way to school, always at six-thirty, I meet up with Riku, and he walks to school with me.

So I watch for his house, It's almost six-thirty, so I make sure I don't pass it, walking with a friend is better than walking alone. Ah, right on cue. Riku walks towards me and I stop and wave, smiling at him. He nods and waves back, taking his spot beside me and we walk together. It's kind of awkward, we aren't saying anything, what's there to say right now?

_He's staring at me, I have to say something.._

"What happened there?" he asks, tapping my wrist, where a new bruise had formed last night.

I shrug, "Don't know."

He frowns, "Right.."

_Does he suspect...?_

He sighs, "You're so clumsy, Sora. Try being more careful, will 'ya?"

I nod quickly,_ I'm in the clear_, "Sure."

He looks at me with a weird expression, but I ignore it, "So, did you finish the homework?"

"Did you?" he raises an eyebrow.

I laugh, "Why do it myself when I have an amazing smart friend like you?"

He sighs, shaking his head, trying to hide a smirk, "Do your own homework, Sora."

"I will, tomorrow." I reply, grinning.

He laughs at that, "Did you at least get some of it done?"

"Oh, I got all of it done, actually." I smile proudly, "I just need to know if any of it's right."

He sighs, still smiling, "Okay, hand it over."

I laugh and take off my backpack, fishing my homework out of it. And that's how the mornings usually go. We got to school on time, like we always do, and we meet up with Kairi. She waves us over, she's hanging out with Selphie, like always. I slip away and head for the cafeteria, I'm starving. School is boring as ever, nothing to report, there never is.

Riku and I walk home together and it doesn't take long to get back to his house. I was about to keep walking when he stops me, "Hey, Sora, maybe I can get Mom to take you home, it's such a long walk back."

"I can do it," I smile reassuringly, "I walk from there to school every morning, walking home isn't a problem, Riku."

He frowns, "Well.. Okay.. I'll text you later or something."

He goes inside and I keep walking. I sigh, _He can't know what goes on at home, no one can. _I get home after about an hour and Mom's waiting for me. I go inside and spare a glance at her. She isn't paying me any mind, She's on the phone, I think it's with Aunt Serena. I quickly go to my room, knowing if she doesn't call for me, I have to stay in my room.

Staying in my room is a good way to avoid getting hurt, though I'm always getting hurt, the damage is just minimal if I do what she wants. I close my door and sigh, sitting on my bed, preparing to do my homework. I was half way done with my homework when Mom calls me, and she doesn't sound happy. I groan and leave my room, going downstairs and back into the living room.


	2. Thief

"Yes, Mother..?" I mutter, staring at my feet.

"Sora, look at me when you are speaking, and stop that damn muttering!" she yells.

I gasp softly and look at her, talking louder now, "Y-yes, Ma'am!"

My mom isn't very tall, she's just a few inches taller than me, but I'm pretty short myself. She has the same shade of brown for hair and the same eyes too. Her hair is wavy and goes to her waist and her skin tone is a little lighter than mine. She frowns at me, her eyes narrowed. I swallow and keep my gaze on her, desperate just to go back to my room, anything but her hitting me again.

I did not get my wish. She walks up to me and instantly smacks me across the face. I bite my lip to keep from making a sound. I'm shaking now,_ Damn it, why am I shaking?! _She stares at me and I slowly move my head back to face her. I look up into her eyes and her eyes are cold. I wait for her to speak, and when she finally does, I know I'm in trouble.

"I got your progress report today." she says.

I swallow, "Y-you did..?"

"I did," she says, "You've failed two classes."

"I'm sorry," I swallow again, "I'll do better."

"Damn right you will." she says, grabbing my arm and dragging me into the kitchen.

I follow her, what else is there to do? Trying to run will just end up bad for me. I just want this over with soon. I follow her over to the sink and she lets go of my arm. I watch her, still the thought of running fresh in my mind. I bite my lip again, every possible outcome going through my head. I just hope it won't be one of the bad ones. She turns on the facet, it's hot only.

I think I know what's about to happen. _Damn, I'm shaking again.. _She grabs me by the neck and I gasp, she's caught me by surprise. She's faster than I thought. I scream instantly when the hot water hits my face.

"Screaming only makes it worse, Sora. Surely, by now, you know this." she says.

I could barely hear her, there's hot water drowning me and running into my ears slightly. I struggle to get back up but she's holding me down with all her strength now. It's pitiful, I know, but I'm not stronger than her. I have to get out of the water, it's burning me, and I can't breathe. I'm starting to panic and I start flailing around, and I kick her, knocking her onto the floor. I get up quickly, coughing water, and my shirt is soaked halfway down. She was on the ground, so I ran for the stairs, planning to lock myself in my room.

"Sora!" she yells, she's angry, I know she's coming after me.

I run up the stairs, tripping near the top and I pull myself up and make it all the way up just as she's coming up the stairs. She's fast, but I think I'm faster. I make it to my room and shut the door quickly, locking it. I should be safe now. I sigh and sit on my bed, suddenly feeling exhausted. I jump when she starts hitting the door, screaming for me to open it. _I won't. _

She continues to hit the door, and I stay on the bed, eyeing the door wearily. _I'm so tired now.. _Eventually the sound stops and I tilt my head slightly, "Mom..?"

I don't get an answer so I stand up and slowly walk towards the door, speaking a little louder than before, "Mom?"

My hand lingers on the doorknob, a part of me screams not to open the door, but another part of me wants to know if she's okay, so I ask again, louder, "Mom? A-are you still there?"

I get no answer, so I slowly unlock the door. As I'm about to turn the knob I'm holding my breath, fearing the worst, and wishing for the best. I turn the knob and slowly open the door, calling out, "Mom?"

Something hits me in the shoulder and a wave of pain comes over me. I gasps and groan, falling to the ground. I turn lightly and stare up in the direction of the attack. Mom is standing there holding a metal bat, it may have been mine once. I haven't tried to play baseball since third grade. She grabs my arm and pulls me up, it hurts, she knows that.

"Sora, you know better than to run away from me, I'm your mother." she says.

I nod, knowing _way_ better than to speak to her in this situation. She frowns and touches my face, "It's bruising. You'll have to cover that up."

She then lets go and heads downstairs, and as she does she calls out, "Stay in your room, your behavior has cost you dinner."

I nod, even though she can't see me, and I go back into my room.

* * *

As I sit in third period, I lay my head down on my backpack, _I'm just so tired today. I just need...to...sleep... _The bell rang and woke me up. I sigh and prop my head up on the palm of my hand, my eyelids fighting to stay open. I didn't sleep much last night, I don't even know why. I notice Vanitas sit in front of me, _Since when is he in this class?_ I see something about to fall out the side pocket in his backpack and I catch it as it does.

I hide it under my desk and bring it closer to me so I can look at it. I blink, _Vanitas' on depression pills? _I look around to make sure no one saw me take them and I quickly put them in my backpack just as the teacher comes in and the conversations die.


	3. Decisions Decisions

As I'm standing here, in the bathroom stall, I bring out Vanitas' pills from my backpack. I twist open the cap and peer inside, _What do depression pills even taste like? Do they even cure depression? Hm, I could just find out. But should I really eat these? I mean, they're not mine... _I sigh and put the cap back on and shove the capsule back inside my bag, I can't start stealing, I have a bad enough situation to deal with.

I leave the bathroom as the final bell rings and I head out to the buses, _When do I give it back? He'll know I stole them if I just come out and say it. Maybe tell him it fell out of his bag during class and I picked it up when I left? Would he believe that? _I frown in thought as I walk past the first bus. Someone grabs my arm and I turn around, finding Vanitas there. I blink slowly, trying to figure out if he knows I have his pills.

"Have you seen a little orange bottle with my name on it?" he asks.

_So he doesn't know?_ I shake my head, "Why?"

He frowns, letting go, "No reason. Just bring them to me if you do."

He slouches off and I frown, _Why did I lie? I could have just told him I had and give them back. So why did I lie? _I turn and see Riku coming up to me so I put on my best fake smile, "Hey, Riku."

He smiles, but it's different some how..

"Hey, Sora, what's up?" he says, falling into step with me as we walk, which must be hard, since he's so much taller than I am.

He must think I'm so slow, _Heh.._

"Ah, nothing. I don't have homework today, which is awesome." I reply.

He nods, "Yeah, me either. Weird, huh?"

"Yeah," I laugh, "But don't say anything, maybe we'll get no homework again tomorrow."

He laughs, "Always full of wishful thinking, eh, Sora?"

"Of course!" I retort.

We got quiet once we were almost to Riku's house. I try not to notice, but he's always staring at me, but only when he thinks I'm not looking. _Why does he keep doing that? Does he know something, no he can't, it's impossible, I'm always so careful! _I sigh, to keep myself calm, and we walk past Riku's house.

I frown, "Riku, that was your house back there, are you not paying attention?"

He frowns and grabs my arm, stopping me in my tracks. I turn to him and he says, "I _am_ paying attention. That's the problem, isn't it?"

My eyes widen and I fight to stay calm, _Oh, God, he knows! _I continue to stare at him and he just looks angry, "Why didn't you tell me, Sora? Why would you hide something like this?"

_For this reason,_ of course I can't tell him that, "I don't know what you're talking about, Riku."

"Don't lie to me, Sora!" he growls, pulling up my sleeve.

I look down at my arm as he does so, showing a multitude of nasty bruises. His grip tightens, "Don't tell me you got these from falling too."

I look up into his eyes, "I did."

He glares at me, "Stop lying! I know, okay?! I know what happens to you when you get home! I followed you last week, Sora, I saw her do it! You're lucky I haven't called the police!"

Then he's quiet, and he says, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't get that bitch arrested."

"Because I love her." I whisper.

He's still and quiet, processing what I just said. He's angry, and he's trying to understand me. I didn't want anyone to know. Why couldn't he have left me alone like I keep badgering him to do? Then none of this would be happening right now. This is Riku's fault, he shouldn't have followed me. If he had just gone home, none of this would be happening.

"You really need to learn to mind your own business, Riku." I say.

He looks shocked, then he's angry again, "Tell me why, Sora."

"Why what?" I ask.

"Why you won't _fight_ back! Why you won't try to _get_ out! _That_ isn't something you just _get used_ to!" he all but screams at me.

I blink, taking this in, trying to come up with an excuse, and strangely, I can't find one. Why won't I fight back? I know I love her, and that's why I stay, because I don't want to lose her, she's my only family. I still hang on to the hope that she'll return to normal one day. Welcome me home after school with cookies like she used to.

"Tell me why." he repeats.

I look at him again, "Because she's the only family I have left. I love her and I don't want to lose her. Can't you understand this, Riku? At least a little bit? I don't want to lose anyone else."

He stares at me and I pull my arm from him, pulling my sleeve back down, hiding the ugliness on my arm. He's still staring at me and I stare at the ground, I don't want to face him anymore.

"Can I go now?" I mutter.

"I..."

I look up at him expectantly, "Yes..?"

"I want you to stay at my house.. At least for the night. I'll talk to Mom." he replies.

I blink, "You...?" I blink again, "What...?"

He frowns, he hates to repeat himself, I've come to know this about him. But nonetheless, he repeats, "I want you to stay the night. I'll ask Mom, I'm sure she'll say yes. I just.. I don't want you to go home and come back with more bruises, or worse.."

I tilt my head, "Or worse?"

His frown deepens, "I don't want her to kill you, Sora."

I blink rapidly, suddenly lightheaded, "Oh."


	4. Weep For Me

I was still thinking about what Riku said as I was walking home. I declined Riku's offer for me to stay the night and he looked upset about it. So he finally knows, I'm supposed to be happy about that, right? But I'm not. I'm terrified. He now knows my darkest secret, and I'm terrified, because I thought I could keep this side of my life hidden. He should have minded his own business. This horror I'm feeling is his fault. I sigh and go inside my house.

Looking around I find Mom nowhere to be seen. I step farther into the living room and call out, "Mom? You home?"

I look around, and finding her nowhere, and all the lights off, I venture upstairs to check her room. Walking up the stairs all I can hear is the soft squeak of the old stairs and my own soft breathing.

I call out again, "Mom?"

The stillness of the house was driving me insane. I had to know if she was okay, where she was, why it was so deathly silent. I make it to the top of the stairs and take a right, down the hall, towards Mom's room. Passing the hall I am forced to stop. My heart skips a beat as my gaze finds an image I haven't looked at since I was twelve. A picture of Mom, Dad, and I when I was eight.

I turn towards the picture, as if in a daze, my fingertips gently brush the glass containing the sacred image inside. A tear escapes, I didn't know it had formed. _Dad_. He looks just like me. He has the same shade of brown hair, the same eyes, darker than Mom's, like mine. I look just like him, remembering a picture I saw long ago of Dad as a teenager, we look just alike.

Another tear escapes. I bite my bottom lip to hold back a sob. _Dad, why did you go? Why were you taken from us? _I take the picture off the wall, a stray sob escaping my lips before I clamp my mouth shut. I hug the picture to my chest and run to my room with it, previous intentions lost in my swirling mind. I put the picture on my night stand and lean over it. Tears fall onto the glass, and I don't bother to wipe them off as more and more fall.

I fall to my knees and sobs escape me finally, racking my body with shivers. I can't stop shaking or sobbing, and a part of me doesn't want to. A part of me wants to weep for my lost father, for what's become of my mother, and to weep for the Sora that hides away his pain. For me. I just want to weep for me, and for my family, and for hiding all of this from Riku for so long, and for him even knowing.

I wanted to live in a magic bubble that kept my misery at home, that let me escape my fears while out with Riku and the others in school. I want to weep until I can't anymore. And so I do. I stay in my room and weep the entire day away. I'm not sure when, but I fell asleep, leaning against the nightstand. I wake with a start, my neck hurting. I sigh and pop my neck then stand stiffly, my joints groaning as I do so.

Remembering Mom I leave the room after glancing down at the tear stained glass holding my memories. I leave the room, closing the door softly, realizing it must be very late. I call softly out for my mother but I get no response. I quickly run to her room, but hesitate at the door. Getting over my fear I push the door open and peer inside. I gasp, my eyes widening at the sight I see.

* * *

As the lights flash in the window I still sit at my mother's bed, staring at the empty bottle of pills at my feet. i didn't dare touch it. Mom lay limp on the bed. A sickening feeling hits me as a part of me hopes she's died. I shake my head, forcing back bile, "How could I think that?" I mutter. The paramedics rush in and head upstairs. I heard them before I saw them. They came in and instantly take Mom away. One of them stays and helps me to my feet, "Want to tell me what happened, son?"

I shake lightly, "I came home from school and went to my room. I fell asleep. When I woke up I realized I hadn't seen Mom, so I came to check on her and found her like this. Then I called you guys."

He nods, eyeing me as if he knows I know more, "I see."

I nod limply, then he asks, "Do you want to come to the hospital with us? How old are you?"

"No, I don't live too far from my best friend, I'll just go stay with him. I'm sixteen. Will she be okay?" I reply.

"Okay, you go there, kid. And, I don't know yet. We'll do what we can." he says, leading me from the house.

Once the ambulance leaves with her I make my hike to Riku's. It's about five in the morning by the time I get there. _I'm so tired.._ I walk up to Riku's house and knock on the door as hard as I can. Riku's Mom is the one who answers the door, "Sora? Do you know what time it is?"

"Can I see Riku?" I ask.

She frowns, "He's asleep. You both have school tomorrow.."

"Please, Mrs. Hallow.." I say.

"Why..?" she asks slowly.

"My Mom.. I saw her... She overdosed on her headache medication.." I say, fighting not to cry.

Mrs. Hallow's face softens, "Come inside, Sora.. I'll go wake Riku."

She's gone in an instant and I move into the house, shutting the door with a soft click. I lean against the door, feeling sick, trying to figure out how and why this happened.


	5. Distance

Riku comes down the stairs in a flash, like he hadn't even been sleeping. _Did his Mom tell him everything I told her? Possibly._ I look at him and he looks back at me. I don't know what he's thinking, I expect him to tell me _"she had it coming"_, or that "_it's better this way."_ But he doesn't say a word. But what he does says more than any word ever could. He sits down beside me, and then he hugs me. My eyes widen, I didn't expect this. For a moment I don't move, then I get my resolve back and I wrap my arms around him.

He still doesn't talk when I let go. He lets go as well and regards me with sharp vision. His eyes are hard and he suddenly looks like he hasn't slept in months. Finally he says something: "I'm sorry this happened, Sora."

But it was all for show. It was an act to please his lingering mother. He isn't sorry for me, he doesn't care about my mother. He takes this horrid news to assume I'm safe now. But he's wrong. Pain is all around me, it's like a lingering touch, I can still feel it. I will always feel it. He doesn't understand this, I don't expect him to. But nonetheless I have to call out his bluff, "No, you're really not."

He blinks, as if he didn't expect me to catch on, thinks I'm as dense as I pretend to be to hide my agony. It's like he doesn't know me at all. And maybe that's my fault. His mother is gone, maybe she went back upstairs to sleep, I hope she did. This conversation we're about to have is only for Riku and I. Riku sighs, leaning against the back of the couch, "Sorry, Sora."

"What for?" I tilt my head slightly.

His eyes look distant suddenly, "For everything. All I'm trying to do is help, but it looks as if I'm just making it worse."

I frown slightly, "How could you be making it worse? You haven't done anything.."

He nods, "And you're lucky, I should have called the cops the minute I found out. But I'm keeping your secret, only because I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you, Riku." I shake my head.

He tilts his head, his eyes unreadable, "You don't?"

"No." I say, suddenly more tired than I had been all day.

He gives me the tiniest of smiles, "I'm glad. We're best friends after all."

I nod, allowing a small smile of my own to escape, "Yeah, we are."

What had become of us that we have become so distant? We used to tell each other everything, now we're both holding things back. When did it get like this? Was it always like this? No, it couldn't be. Right?

"Are you okay, Sora?"

His question caught me off guard, "Huh? Oh, uh.. What?"

"Are you okay?" he repeats.

I blink, "I don't know."

"I'll talk to Mom and Dad, see if I can get them to let you stay here." he offers, yet again.

I shake my head, "You don't have to do that. I don't want to oppose. I can stay at my house, it won't make a difference."

He looks sad, "Sora.."

"What are you so afraid of, Riku? I'll be alone at home. Chill out." I frown.

He sighs, looking frustrated as he runs a hand through his hair, "Sora, you're making this way harder than it has to be."

"Am I?" I cross my arms, I can handle myself, he should know this by now.

He sighs, "Just stay with us a fee days. Please?"

"Why?" I spare a glance at him.

His eyes were still unreadable and he answers, "I just want to make sure you won't do anything stupid."

I frown, "Like what? Kill myself? I won't do that, Riku, sheesh."

I roll my eyes, very aware of Vanitas' pills in my jacket pocket. He frowns, "That wasn't what I-"

I cut him off, "Forget it. I'm going home. Just warning you, I'm not going to school tomorrow."

I get up and head for the door and in a flash he's got my arm, "Sora, wait."

I pull my arm away and turn to him, "What do you want now, Riku?"

"Sora, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." he says.

I sigh, "It's okay. I know." I open his door and head down the road.

I can feel his eyes on me as I disappear down the street into the dawn's light. When I get home I sigh and plop down on the couch. I pull the pills from my pocket, "I really should give these back to him.."

I frown and open the cap, dumping out two pills into my hand. I stare at the pills before ultimately deciding to shove them in my mouth. Nothing seemed to happen, so I shove some more in my mouth. God, they tasted awful. I sigh and go get a soda from the fridge. I sit on the couch and shove some more in my mouth, "What are these for anyway? Depression?"

The only thing the pills did was make me sleepy. I sigh and put the bottle back in my pocket, deciding not to take anymore, and I take a little cat nap on the couch. A few hours later I woke to the sounds of angry rapping on my front door. I got up sluggishly and open the door, "Yes?"

It was a police officer. I frown slightly in confusion, "Can I help you, officer?"

The man regards me with cautious eyes, "Are you Sora?"

I nod, "I am."

"Come with me then, if you will. It's about your mother." he says.

I didn't have to think twice, I was out the door and waiting before the guy even turned around to walk back to his car.

* * *

**A/N: School is in session, so my updates will be slower, but I will try to at least update one story a week at the least. I won't apologize for being late, there's no reason for it. So enjoy this lovely update I worked hard to bring to you. Review kindly!**


	6. It All Falls Into Place

The ride to the hospital was long and dragging. The officer didn't speak to me as we sped away, he didn't even look at me. I watched the scenery pass me by, trying to occupy myself by seeing if I could name all the shops, but I couldn't. But nonetheless, I watched them breeze by as we got closer and closer to our destination. Upon arrival we were still silent.

He led me inside, said something to a doctor about me, or my Mom, and then he was leading me again. It doesn't take long to get to Mom's room. She's awake, which I didn't expect. She sees me and instantly that fake spark in her eyes comes to life, "Sora.."

The way she says my name speaks of love, but that can't be true, at least, not completely. But nonetheless I smile and walk slowly up to her. I kneel before her, "Mom, how are you feeling?"

"Can you tell me what happened last night?" the officer asks my mother.

She straightens herself, "I wasn't feeling well, I took some medicine to make it better, but I forgot I had taken it and took more, the process repeated. I'm not at my best when I am sick."

Her story seemed sincere, is that the truth? The cop sighs, buying her lie (Truth?) and he says, "Okay, just be more careful. I'm sure you gave your son a heartattack when he found you like that."

She nods, laying back, "I will. Thank you for bringing him up here to see me."

She smiles and he leaves, then her smile fades and she looks at me, "What did you tell them?"

I sigh, leaning back slightly, "I didn't tell them anything. Just that I found you and was afraid for your life."

She nods, eyeing me suspiciously, "Good. When are they letting me out?"

"Don't know yet." I reply, standing.

She closes her eyes, "Go check. I want to go home. Hospitals reek of death."

"Tell me about it." I mutter, leaving the room.

* * *

"Yeah, we're heading home pretty soon." I say into my phone.

"Will you be okay?" Riku's voice comes through the receiver.

I roll my eyes, not that he can see that, "Yes, I'll be fine. I always am."

"You say that now.."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I frown, "What are you implying, Riku?"

"Nothing. Just call me when you can." he sighs.

"What? I'm calling you right-" I growl, "He hung up on me!"

I sigh and close my phone, slipping it back in my pocket and I look around for my mother. She should be at the recipients desk by now, surely. I find my way there and she's there. She smiles at me, just for show, and we get a ride home from a police officer. Strangely enough, the one who brought me here. The ride home was long and silent. The radio was on, so I could at least distract myself, at least for a little while.

The ride was over too soon and we got out and the car sped away. I follow Mom inside and she asks, "You hungry, Sora?"

She sounded genuinely curious. I didn't know how to answer, I wasn't expecting this. I just reply quietly, "Yeah, a little.."

She turns to me, "Me too."

I still didn't know what to say or do. She never acts like this. Could it be I got my wish? I swallow and look at her, waiting, I know something's wrong. She's never like this, I couldn't have gotten my Mom back just yet, it's got to be a cruel joke.

Her eyes narrow, "What are you looking at?"

Her smile fades and I swallow again, looking away from her.

"Look at me when I am talking to you, Sora." she says.

I look back at her and she's facing me now, her eyes hard. Whatever spark of true life was there, it's dead now.

"Mom...?" I barely whisper.

"Yes?" she smirks softly.

I swallow, "Am... Am I in trouble...?"

She grabs my arm and pulls me into the house and tosses me onto the floor, closing the door behind us. I groan softly and get to my feet, turning to face her. A sudden burst of courage fills me, "What am I being punished for now, Mom? What did I do wrong?"

I know I shouldn't prove her, that saying these things will only be worse for me, but I can't stop them from pouring out of me, "What have I ever done to be treated like this? I love you, for crying out loud!"

Then a soft whisper escapes my lips, "Don't you love me anymore?"

Her words weren't very loud, but they made me feel like I just fell off a cliff, "I stopped loving you the moment you started to look like him."

Him. My father. It was true we looked identical, but I never thought someone would hate me for it. I guess I was wrong. My eyes widen at her words and I can't find the words to speak, but everything was falling into place now. It all made sense. Why she treated me the ways he did, why she never says his name anymore, why she looks at me with disgust and hatred. How could I have missed it?

It was all because I look like him, and that he died. She fell so far that she resents me just for looking like him, and I didn't even realize it until now. How could I have not seen it? It was right in my face, the proof is right on my nightstand this very minute. How could I be so blind? Just how could anyone be so blind? I stare at my mother as she stares back, then she breathes, "Get the fuck out of my sight, brat."

I swallow and run upstairs, at least a little thankful that she didn't hurt me this time. No, I'm wrong. She did hurt me. She hurt me so much, and I know it's only going to get worse from here.


	7. Split

"You're kidding.. She really said that?" Riku asks as we're walking to school.

I nod, "She hates me."

"I'm sorry, Sora.." he sighs, "She shouldn't have said that."

"Let her say what she wants, it's not like I can make her love me again," I frown, "Could I?"

He shrugs, "You could, but I'm not sure if it's in her anymore to love."

I sigh, "There has to be a way. There must be."

"And if there isn't?" he asks, staring at me.

"I'll find a way to get through it." I said.

He frowns this time, "Just promise not to hurt yourself, okay?"

I could see in his eyes how much this promise meant to him, so I nodded, "I promise."

I meant it too, so that made me feel good. I didn't need anyone else sharing my pain, I didn't even deserve Riku sharing it. I shouldn't have dragged him into this, no, wait, he dragged himself into it when he followed me home. This is his fault, that I have to have these conversations. He should have stayed out of it. This ins't his problem. It's mine, and mine alone. He had no right to share it with me.

He's still staring at me and I look away, "Stop that."

He frowns, "What?"

"Don't stare at me with pity!" I growl, turning on him.

He flinches back and frowns, "Sometimes I don't understand you."

"Maybe you should just mind your own business then! This sin't even your problem, why are you hanging around?!" I yell, desperate to take my anger out, even if it's stupid and irrational, on Riku.

He growls, "I'm just trying to help. But fine, I'll play it your way. You want me to leave you alone? I will! Don't talk to me or even look at me, I'm not your friend anymore! Maybe I should never have been.."

He turns and flaunts off angrily. I stare after him angrily, "His fault, every bit of it, this is for the best."

* * *

Two weeks have passed since Riku stopped being my friend. The tension was everywhere I went. If I even saw him across the room I got mad and had to leave again, which made school very difficult. Thankfully Riku started riding the bus home instead of walking with me. So I got to walk and think in peace. Things at home got worse. Mom's always throwing things at me and screaming at me, and she even stabbed me three days ago, but hasn't since then. She still yells and throws things though.

Another week passes and I'm sitting at the top of the water tower. I didn't bother going home, Mom wouldn't notice. She'd probably hope I had died or something. I pull a bottle of Mom's pain relievers and pop the lip open with my thumb. I tip the small container and four or five pills fall into my other hand. I set the bottle down and pop the pills into my mouth, swallowing them with a grimace.

I sigh and stare up at the sky, it's cloudy, very cloudy. "I hope it rains." I say. I frown and lay on my back, a hand behind my head as I stare at the graying sky. A rain droplet falls and hits my face, right below my eye. It slides off my face and I blink, more droplets hitting me. But I didn't care. I always liked the rain. I'd rather stay up here and be soaked to the bone than go home right now.

Pretty soon the rain was pouring, and I was soaked, but still I didn't get up or move at all. I just lied there and popped more pills into my mouth as I let the rain soak me with it's graceful cold. Not long after, the rain starts to let up, but still falls pretty heavily. My vision is so blurry, I can hardly see any details around me. I hear someone climbing the stairs to the top of the water tower and turn to the noise.

Squinting furiously, all I can make out is someone wet, very wet, like me, with longish grey hair. It takes me a minute to register it's Riku, but even then, I don't move. I hear him gasp and suddenly he's right beside me, crouching over me.

"Sora?!" he's breathless.

I blink at him, I can hardly make out his face. His hair drips water on me, his entire face looks like a blob of tan, and then big blobs of green. I blink again as he leans closer to me, I can see he's frowning now. Then his eyes widen, he's staring into my eyes, then his eyes move and stop on my hand, clutching the pill bottle still, almost empty.

He grabs for it and in a flash I have it held to my chest, "Get away!" He sighs, running a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes is really all he did. The rain pours hard again and he shivers. I shiver too, but mostly because he won't stop staring at me. I frown, "Stop that."

he chuckles, but it's humorless, "Heard that before."

Instead of trying to take the bottle again, he moves and lifts me into his arms. I blink and frown some more, "What are you doing?"

"You're high. I'm taking you to the hospital. How many pills did you take?" he replies, frowning angrily down at me.

I squint at the bottle, "Twenty? Maybe?"

He groans, "Sora, you're an idiot sometimes. You're going to catch a cold up here, and you're going to die of overdose. Do I have to baby you?"

I sigh and my eyes slide half closed, suddenly I'm very tired, "Just leave me up here to die."

He looks at me, "I won't. And besides, you made a promise not to hurt yourself."

I look at him, "I didn't intend to, so I didn't break it. And besides, we're not friends, why are you trying to help me?"

He closes his eyes, bowing his head. His bangs flop lazily back into his face, hiding his eyes behind wet grey curtains.

"I don't even know, Sora.. I don't even know."


	8. Turmoil

After begging Riku to leave me alone for an hour, he does. The rain had stopped, but more threatens to come. Riku had went home, and I'm on my way home as well. _What will I tell Mom when she finds her pain relievers' almost empty? _I shiver, I don't want to think about it. I got home pretty quickly, even though I had been dragging my feet. My hand lingers on the doorknob, a part of me wishing she won't be here when I open the door.

Swallowing my fear, I push open the door and go inside. I look up and Mom's sitting on the couch, glaring at me, "Where have you been, Sora?"

I swallow, looking for words, "I was hanging out with Riku.."

It's the only thing I could really think of, it wasn't even a total lie, so I figured it was okay. She frowns, "That so? Are you aware it's been raining?"

I nod, "Yeah, I got caught in it.."

I gesture to my wet clothes and her eyes narrow, "Didn't you think to come home before you decide to stay out for three hours? It's dark out, you're not allowed out after dark. You know that."

I nod, "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

She stands, which makes me wince. She walks up to me and crosses her arms, "Disobeying me cannot go unpunished, Sora."

_I'm going to really get it now.._ She smacks me across the face, the force knocking me down and I gasp as I hit the floor. I quickly stand back up, "I'm sorry, Mom, really."

"You will be." she replies, smacking me again.

I stumble this time, but don't fall. I groan and catch myself on the wall. I look at her and quickly move from the wall before she hits me again. She hits the wall and hisses, turning towards me, "Stay still!"

"Stop trying to hit me!" I gasp dodging another hit. I'm surprised I can even dodge her, I've never tried before.

She grabs my arm and yanks me towards her, "You will not talk against me, you understand?"

I whimper softly, nodding. She growls and tosses me down. I hit the floor with an "oof" and stare up at her. She frowns down at me, "Have you seen my pills? I have a massive headache."

I grimace and hold the bottle up to her. She snatches it and inspects its contents. Then she growls at me, "You thieving little shit!"

She stomps on my right hand and I yell. I groan, trying to free myself, but that just makes her press down harder. I stare up at her, tears filling my eyes. She gets off my hand and grins, "You want these pills so bad, I'll give them to you."

I stare at her in confusion, "Wh..what?"

She crouches down in front of me and dumps the remainder of the bottle (about thirty or so pills) into her hand. I stare at her, trying to figure this out. She instantly shoves the pills into my mouth. I gasp, choking on some of them. I push away from her and cough, trying to get them out of my mouth. Mom pushes me down and scrapes up the ones off the floor. She then shoves them back in my mouth.

I cough and choke on the pills and she continues shoving them in my mouth, three at a time. I push her off of me and I scramble away from her. I stand, spitting out half dissolved pills. Bile rises in my throat and double over, instantly throw up. After a few minutes of throwing up acid and water, I run for my room, but Mom grabs me before I even make it to the stairs.

She slams me into the wall, "Did I say you could go yet?"

"Just stop it, please.." I whimper.

"No," she laughs, and it's bone chilling, "If you want my pills so bad, I'll let you have them. Take them all. Now. Because you're not leaving until you do."

I whimper, knowing this is a stupid thing to say, but I say it anyway, "Most of them are thrown up and half dissolved though.."

She laughs again, "I don't care. You're going to digest those as well."

My eyes widen, "That's impossible!"

She pushes me down and kicks me in the side, "I said take all the pills, Sora!"

I groan, "Please, Mom, don't make me..!"

She kicks me harder and a sob escapes me, "Stop!" I beg.

"Take them all, you little thief!" she says, throwing a cup at me.

_This can't be happening.. It can't.. Maybe I should just die. Yeah, that'd really be better than this. I'm just as lost as she is.. _I slowly move and pick the cup up, trying to hold down more bile as I scoop up some of the puke off the floor. _I'm really going to be sick..! _With shaky hands I lift the cup to my mouth. Holding my breath, I force the fluids down my throat. I wretch and cough, trying to keep it from coming back up.

She snickers, "Good boy. Now the rest of it. Only two cups full left."

I shiver and repeat the process twice. I cough violently, but somehow keep the bile from rising again. I'd hate to have to drink my puke twice. I swear I'm going to be sick now. She laughs some more and hands me about ten more pills.

She smiles sweetly, but it's fake, "This is all that's left. Once you finish these you can go to your room."

I nod slowly and take the pills and shove them into my mouth, trying to swallow them dry. I cough multiple times, but eventually get them down. She laughs at me again then leaves the living room. I shudder and pull myself to my feet. I slowly drag myself to my room, and lock myself inside. I sit on my bed, staring down at the picture of my family, and suddenly I burst into tears, "Why did you do this to me, Dad? Why did you leave me to this turmoil? _Why...?!_"


	9. Not Such A Clean Cut

I rejoiced the walk to school. Anything was good if I got to get away from the house. Before long I'm walking past Riku's house, and just my luck he catches up to me a moment later. _I thought we weren't speaking.. _

"Sora," he says, catching stride with me.

I glance up at him, "Hm?"

"Are you okay?" he asks, and he looks genuinely worried.

That makes my decision to stay not friends harder. I shrug, looking back at the road. He frowns, "Sora, did something happen last night? You never called me back.."

"I'm fine. Nothing happened." I reply.

He grabs onto my shoulder, "Sora, don't try to lie to me. I can see something happened, I can see it in your eyes."

I frown and push his hand off me, "Don't touch me."

I hurry ahead of him but he catches up very easily, and he grabs my arm again, "Sora, let me help you!"

I whirl around, yanking my arm from him, "I told you not to touch me! Don't you get it yet?! I don't want your help! I _want_ a lot of things, Riku, but _help_ isn't one of them. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

He looks hurt, but slightly, "You may not want it, but you do need help."

I just glare at him, and he grits his teeth, "Sora. Tell. Me. What. Happened."

I frown, and it surprises me, how bored I sound, "Fine. I'll tell you. Mom found out I took her pills."

"Is that all?"

The words kept coming, voiced in boredom, "She tried to shove the rest of them down my throat. I coughed most of them out and she shoved them back in my mouth."

He tries to speak, but I'm not finished. The words float past my lips with ease, and I still sound bored, "Then I threw up, and she made me drink what I threw up."

He gapes at me and the words keep coming, "Is that what you wanted to hear? The horrible things I try to forget? You just keep pressing me until I burst, don't you? You're not satisfied unless you know everything. You always have to be on top of things."

"Sora, that's not true! I just worry about you!" he gasps.

"Well, don't be. I don't want or need your help." I reply coldly.

I was getting tired of him trying to be in control of my situation.

"Sora, don't be like this. You really do need help." he says.

I shake my head, "No, I don't. I can handle this, it's nothing."

"Stop saying that!" he yells, "Stop saying who you have everything under control, because you don't! I'm afraid, Sora! I'm afraid I'm going to wake up one day too soon and you won't be here! I'm afraid you're just going to vanish from my life, and I can't allow that!"

I frown and he continues, "I don't want you to die, you're like a brother to me."

"I don't need you." I say, walking away from.

He's really making it hard to not be his friend. I won't go back on my decision though. I put too much thought into it. If I can just make a clean cut from him I'll be better. Riku grabs my hand and pulls, turning me back towards him. He's angry, that much I can see, but his eyes shine in sadness, "Ugh! You're driving me insane! All I want to do is keep you alive! I want to help-"

I cut him off, "I don't want your help."

He continues, "-I can't just sit idly by and watch you slowly die!"

I frown, "Riku, I think it's better for the both of us if we just don't be friends anymore."

He gasps faintly and I turn and make my way to school.

* * *

After school, I slip into the pharmacy. Mom wants me to get her pills refilled, since I used them all. I show the recipient her prescription and he hands me a new bottle. On the way out, when I'm sure no one is looking, I snatch a bottle of pain relievers of my own. Stuffing them in my jacket, I leave the store and head for home. The sky still threatened us with rain, but it hadn't rained since yesterday.

I kind of wish it would rain. I miss the steady numbness of raindrops against my skin. Sadly, yesterday was one of the best days I've had since Dad died. The rain was soothing. Like I could drift away in the numbness, and I wish I could. Hell, with those pills, I almost had. Maybe I could try again, and I'll get far enough away to be really happy before reality catches me once more.

* * *

"Here, Mom, I got the refill." I say quietly, holding her pills out for her.

She takes them and sneers, "Want some?"

I instantly shake my head, suddenly feeling very dizzy, and she laughs. Then she grounds me to my room and I go. I get to my room and lock the door. I take off mt jacket, putting the stolen pills on my nightstand. I frown, staring at the pills sitting right beside Dad, Mom, and me. I sigh and push the picture face down, gently, "Sorry, Dad. I know you won't approve of this. But it's the best I've got."

I pick up the pills and open the bottle. Just as I spill about five pills on my palm, m phone vibrates in my pocket. Another sigh escapes me and I pull it from its bonds and answer, "Hello?"

My voice sounded dead. Why is that? I grunt and shove the pills in my mouth, swallowing them dry with a grimace.

"Sora?"

"Riku?" I gape, dumbfounded. _Why is he calling me? _

"Sora, are you okay?" he asks, like he's actually worried.

I laugh, "Okay? Am I _okay?_ I'm just peachy!"

I laugh more and shove about ten pills in my mouth, gulping down water from a water bottle I found on my dresser. It didn't help the taste, but it was easier to digest.

"Sora, you're acting strange.." he mutters, almost as if he didn't want me to hear. _Then why does he have me on the phone?_

"Strange? What gave you that idea?" I couldn't stop giggling. I just felt too bubbly, I couldn't stop giggling for the life of me. I feel like I'm walking on air, laying in a cloud, floating forever in the sky. And I didn't want to leave.

"Sora!" he sounded frustrated and worried, if that's possible.

"What?" I groaned, he was killing my mood.

"What's going on over there?" he asks, "Why do you seem so... Bubbly?"

He said the last word like it was acid, which is funny, since it's such a happy word. I gulp down twelve more pills and giggle, "Of course I'm bubbly, I'm high!"


	10. Let's Get Lost

I wonder what it feels like to be lost forever in a sea of sadness and despair and anger. That's all I feel nowadays. Just sadness, despair, and anger. I like it though. The sadness gives me a reason to get lost in the sea that is my mind. Despair let's me know the lining of my heart. And anger gives me a reason to keep moving. As long as I keep moving, I can't get completely lost.

Though, I like to be lost. It makes me forget, just for a moment. Forgetfulness is bliss, right? It's been three days since I officially cut my ties with Riku, and I haven't left my room. I have my own bathroom, and I can go without eating, so I just stay in my room. I ran out of pills yesterday, and I'm starting to freak out. I want more pills, I miss the delusions it was giving me.

I liked them. They made me feel better. They were strange and I loved them. I found it's easier to stay in my locked room, Mom leaves me alone. I like that. I haven't been to school, I bet Riku likes that. Not having to see me. I don't need to be thinking about him, I'm perfectly fine staying in my bedroom. I like it here, I like the secluded place that is my own. I don't need anyone, just me, and my picture of Dad. Yeah, I have enough to get by.

My stomach growls and I ignore it, "I don't need food."

I nod to myself, as if it will make it official. That doesn't matter. I have me, and that's enough. It will always be enough. _Always. _My phone buzzes on my nightstand and I pick it up to look at the caller ID. _Riku? Should I answer? Ah, why not.. _

I sigh, answering the call, "Riku. What do you want?"

"Sora!" he gasps, "I haven't heard from you in three days! You haven't been at school, are you okay?!"

"I'm fine." I reply.

"Are you still high?" his voice was low, almost a whisper.

"Nope. The high faded two hours ago." I sigh.

"Sora, you know that's not good for you.."

"So? You're not my boss. I can do whatever I want."

"I just want to help you."

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't want help? We're not friends, don't call me again. Goodbye, Riku." I hang up ten and sit the phone back on the nightstand.

* * *

Two more days had passed, and I hadn't left my room. I'm feeling very sleepy lately. I haven't eaten in a week. I look at the clock and it's only eight p.m. I'm going to go to bed, maybe I'll leave my room tomorrow. Maybe.

* * *

I woke with a start, the dream was horrid. I turn to the clock, frowning at how much effort it takes just to roll over. It's two a.m. I roll back over. I'm going back to sleep.

* * *

The sun shined way too bright. I open my eyes halfway and groan, my stomach cramping up with hunger pangs. I roll onto my stomach, to make the pangs hurt less. I can hear Mom moving around downstairs. I'm not going down there. I'm still very tired. I guess I'm going to go to sleep again. I tried, and even as tired as I am, I can't get to sleep. My stomach keeps cramping and growling so loud. I wish I had more pills.

* * *

Another day gone. Another day spent in my room. Another day alone. Another day without food. Nine days. I've been in here nine days. I've been rationing my water bottle so I won't have to leave my room, but it's almost empty now. I can wait a few hours until Mom leaves. She always leaves on Fridays. She doesn't come home until Saturday night. I'll get more water once she's gone.

An hour passes and her car drives away. I unlock my door and slowly, sluggishly, make my way downstairs. I'm very tired, all I want to do is sleep. But I can't. I'm restless at the same time. Every time I try to sleep I see that dream, and I won't allow it to haunt me. So I'll stay awake. The hunger pangs are gone, I just feel empty now. But that's okay. The emptiness in my stomach masks the emptiness in my heart.

I refill my water bottle and take a nice long drink. I refill it again, take another long drink. Refill again. _I have to stop._ Refill again. _I'm going to get sick._ Refill again. _Stop!_ Refill again. _I don't feel so good now.._ Refill again. I drink the entire bottle then and suddenly the room is spinning. My ears are ringing and my head hurts. It hurts more than my stomach had the other day. I can hear a voice, but I don't see anyone.

_"Sora? Sora!"_

It's so dark. It's so dark. I need to open my eyes. They hurt, I don't want to move. My lips feel so dry, they shouldn't. My body is numb, how do I move? I don't remember. The voice keeps speaking to me.

_"Sora, what have you done, now?" _

I should know it. I can't feel anything. Am I lost again? Where are my pills? Did I take some? No, they're out now. I need more. I feel like I'm high, but at the same time I don't. I'm empty and lost, but nothing can reach me. I'm happy, but I know I shouldn't be. Someone's still talking to me.

_"Sora, answer me. Can you hear me?"_

What's going on? The voice, it sounds so sincere, so worried. Yet, I can't place who's it is. Am, I dreaming? Maybe. I hope so. Because if I am, I'm dreaming the voice is Dad.


	11. Numbness Replaces Emptiness

"Dad...?" I mutter, finally able to find my voice.

"No, Sora." the voice is so sad.

"Are you angry?" why did I ask that?

"No, Sora." the voice repeats.

I still can't open my eyes. Something cool is placed on my head. I didn't know I was burning up.

"Dad...?" I ask again, fighting to recognize the voice.

"No, Sora. I'm not your father." it says.

"Then who are you?" I ask.

_Am I alone with him?_

"Am I alone?"

"No, I'm here."

"Besides you?"

"Yes."

"Who are you?" I ask again.

The voice sighs, just the sound of it makes me sad, "Riku. I'm Riku."

"Riku..." that reminds me, Riku called me a few days ago. I told him to leave me alone. He didn't listen. He never listens to me, "Why didn't you listen?"

"What?" he asks.

"Why didn't you listen? I told you to leave me alone. What are you doing here? Why don't you listen?" I reply with a question.

I finally find the strength to open my eyes and the room slowly comes into focus. I'm laying on the kitchen floor, that much is obvious. I see Riku kneeling beside me, he looks different somehow. His eyes are different. Duller somehow. His facial expression is hidden, I can't read him. He's staring at me and I stare back. He hasn't answered my question.

He leans forward slightly and adjusts the ice pack on my head. I frown at him, "Why?"

"Why what?" he asks plainly, staring at me again, or did his eyes ever leave me?

"Why didn't you listen?" I repeat for the third time.

He frowns more, if that's possible, and he replies, "Because I was worried. I hadn't heard from you. You never answered my texts, I'm lucky you answered my call. I thought something had happened to you!"

"Why did you come here today?" I ask.

His voice was whisper, "To see.."

"To see?" I ask, clearly confused, "To see what?"

Something in the back of my mind nagged at me that I knew the answer to that question, but I ignored it, waiting for Riku's reply.

"I came over to see if you were dead. When I saw you lying here on the ground I thought I was too late. But you kept muttering about dreams and being lost, and your father." he says.

"Did you call the hospital?" I asked, terrified that he had.

"No. But I should have." his eyes narrow, "What happened?"

"I drank too much water." I reply evenly.

"Were you trying to kill yourself?" he asks.

"No," I snort, "If I wanted to do that I would have used a knife or something."

I could see that hit a nerve, he flinched, then glared at me, "Don't say that. Tell me you want to live."

I stare at him, my eyes narrowing, "What if I didn't want to live?"

That hit a nerve too. If I hit anymore nerves, he'll fall off the cliff. I sit up slowly, letting the ice pack fall into my lap. I move it and sit it beside me, and as I do, Riku grabs my wrist, "Sora, don't tell me that. You _do_ want to live, I _know_ you do."

"How do you know that?" I ask.

"Because _I know you_." he replies.

I pull my hand from his and stand, quite unsteadily. When he tries to help me, I move away from him, glaring. He frowns again, he suddenly looks so tired, so much older. This is not the Riku I remember. This is the Riku I've created. If I'm going to ruin my life, that last thing I truly want is to drag him down with me.

"Go home, Riku." I say.

"Not until I know you're safe." he replies.

I frown, "I'm fine. Now get out."

He crosses his arms, "What is with you lately? I understand you might not want help, but why are you shutting me out?"

_So that when I finally do die, you won't care._ But I don't tell him that. He'd fall off the cliff, and I'd be responsible for that too.

"Because I don't want you here. I don't want you around. You think you can fix me, but I'm already broken. I've been broken to long to fix. So, just go home." it wasn't a complete lie, so I'm satisfied with this answer.

"Sora, that's not-" I don't let him finish, "I said get out!"

I even stoop so low as to chuck a plate at him. And at that note, and the shattered china on the floor, he makes his leave. I clean all the broken glass off the floor, and on the last piece, I cut my hand. I frown as I clean it under running water, _What if I really do want to die? What then? How would I do it? Just wither away? That'd be the way to last longer? Or..._ I look wearily towards the knife block, _What if I just do it, right now? Would it matter? _

After cleaning and bandaging my wound, I refill my water bottle and head back to my room. About halfway there, I put the bottle down on the stair step, and continue my climb up. _I've made my choice. _

* * *

I snuck out of the house after Mom went to bed and I stole three bottles of my previous pill brand theft. I wasn't noticed, and that was good. I got back in the house, and gratefully Mom was still asleep. I hurry back to my room unnoticed. Locking the door, I stash two bottles in my top dresser drawer and take the last one and pop the lip open.

Dumping about ten pills into my hand I swallow them one by one. Letting the high fill the emptiness, I put the last bottle with the other two, and I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, and the images my mind is putting there. I smile, I like the numbness that fills my emptiness. I like it so much. _Hm, I wonder.. When I'm finally ready to just die, could I use the pills? Would that be the easiest? _


	12. Broken Friendship

I have to do it. I've made my choice, I know what I want. I just can't let it stay like this. My plan didn't work. I couldn't make him hate me. I have to tell him, one last secret for him to keep. Just for a little while. He has to know it wasn't his fault, it was all me. My choice. _My choice. _I snuck out of the house when Mom wasn't home, and I went up to the water tower. I like it up here. It's simple, peaceful, bliss.

I pull my phone from my pocket and dial his number. _One ring..._ _Two rings..._ _Three rings..._ Is he going to pick up? _Four rings..._

"Hey, you've reached Riku, but I can't come to the phone right now, so leave me a message. I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

_BEEP! _

_Damn, voice mail._ I swallow, "Hey, Riku.. It's me. Sora. Uh.. I don't want to do this over the phone, could you meet me in town, soon? I'm on top the water tower, same as before. We really need to talk. It's urgent. Get here as soon as you can."

_CLICK! _

I put my phone back in my pocket and sigh, staring up at the sky. Rain still threatened me, and I wish it would just come down already. I love it, and I miss it. One of the few things I still find joy in.

"Why won't you rain for me?" I ask the sky, then an idea hits me, more like a memory.

Aunt Serena used to say that when Dad died, he went to heaven, and heaven was in the sky. _Should I...? _I stare at the sky in answer, and I whisper, "Hey, Dad.. Can you hear me up there? If there really is a heaven and a hell, how do I get to heaven? Are you happy there? Are you waiting for Mom and me? You won't have to wait much longer. I've made my choice. I've set the date. I'll see you soon."

That's how I ended my somewhat-not-really- prayer. Then I turned to see Riku climbing up here, I fight the urge to smile. I move so I'm facing him, and I sit cross-legged and he comes and sits in front of me. "You called?"

"Riku, I'm sorry." I reply.

He tilts his head slightly, "Sorry? What for?"

"For trying to shut you out. I just wanted to make you hate me, but you wouldn't. You're my best friend, and I've been such a bad friend." I say, looking down.

"Sora.." his voice was soft, "Why would you want to make me hate you?"

"So you wouldn't be hurt when it was over." I reply.

"When what was over? Why would I be hurting?" he asks, the confusion clear in his voice, I'm still not looking at him.

"Because I'm going to end my life." I state, "I have the date set, the way to do it, too."

He grips my shoulders, shaking me lightly, making me look at him, "You promised!"

"I'm sorry, Riku. I knew that wasn't a promise I could keep." I say.

He blinks, anger and pain filling his eyes, "What?"

"It's for the best."

"For the best?! Sora, you lied to me! How could you even think of doing this?!" I'd just about knocked him off the cliff.

"I've made my choice. It has nothing to do with you." I stare into his eyes.

"Nothing to do with me?! Sora, are you insane?! It has everything to do with me! I should have told someone about what that bitch has been doing!" he yells at me.

"You won't tell." I say.

He frowns, "Why not?"

"Because it no longer matters. She hasn't done a thing to me in weeks, and I've made up my mind. Nothing you do or say will persuade me otherwise." I explain.

He lets go of me and just stares. I stare back. He continues to stare at me for many minutes. Neither of us talk, is there anything left to say? I look down again and he finally speaks, "Sora, it doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to do this."

I look back at him, "You don't understand, Riku, I do have to do this."

"But why? Make me understand." he says.

"Riku, don't start with me. You don't have to understand this. It isn't about you. I've made up my mind, don't try to fix me, not anymore." I sigh.

"Fix you? Sora, I don't try to fix you!" he replies.

"Yes, you do. Just trying to change my mind, even now, you're trying to fix me. I don't want to be fixed!" I say, I didn't realize how close I've become to crying.

"Sora..." he looks so sad, still so distant.

"No. No more, Riku. Our friendship stops here. It may not be a clean break, but it's broken. This is goodbye." I announce.

He gasps softly. I can't help but notice the anguish in his eyes. This is the Riku I've created, and nothing I do can bring the old Riku back. I lost the old Riku the moment he followed me home. I stare at him, fighting back tears, just looking at him makes me want to break down and cry. This is my sin. Ruining my best friend. I find his name trembling off my lips, "Riku?" He blinks, staring at me, _What's going to happen now?_ I stare back at him, everything about him flashing through my mind. _What's going to happen now?_

He looks conflicted for a moment, then he grips my collar and pulls me forward, and he closes his eyes just as his lips find mine. My eyes widen, _He's kissing me. _I watch the tears spill from his closed eyes and it makes my heart throb. This is what I've done to him. My own eyes close, and I feel the tears spill down my face as a sob wracks my body, a pained moan escaping into Riku's mouth.


	13. Finally Completely Broken

Three days had passed since Riku had kissed me. I ran from him, told him not to go near me again. I know that hurt him, and that's what I wanted. Not a clean break, but at least it's broken. Mom hasn't been home either. Not that I care anymore. Today is the day. I stare at my nightstand, and the things that clutter it: My picture of Mom, Dad, and I, my three bottles of pills, my phone, my favorite postcards I never put away, the seashells Kairi gave me from the Islands we haven't went to since we were kids, and the crown pendant on a chain Riku gave me for my thirteenth birthday.

I sigh, picking up the pill bottles. My plan was to take every last one. That'd be the easiest way to do this. Riku'll understand once this is over. He has to. After all, I plan for him to be the one to find me. I've thought it all through. Except for the part where Riku keeps texting and calling me. I ignore his calls, delete his texts, but he won't quit.

I finally give in by sending him a quick text: _Come over tomorrow morning. No later, no earlier. Okay?_ He replies, _Okay. See u then, I guess. _I didn't respond to that and set the phone down. I pick up my water bottle and pop a hand full of pills and shove them in my mouth, using the water to wash them down quickly. I decide to take my overdose slow, to enjoy the high while I can. _The last time I can. _I shove another hand full in my mouth and wash them down. I lay on my bed, the water bottle on my nightstand, the pill bottle in my hand.

I stare at the ceiling as the familiar images take their shapes and I watch them slither across each other all over the ceiling. _Will I miss this? What will heaven be like? Will I find Dad there? Does heaven even exist? If it does, and hell does, too, will I go to hell for my sins?_ I feel like I'm floating, I can't feel my bed, the numbness sets in. The familiar high takes over my worries and replaces them with stupid dreams, like flying into heaven.

I like feeling like I'm floating. It takes all my fears and locks them away. I like feeling confident, and secure, and happy. It's stupid to have to get high to feel what a normal person could feel every day. But I'm not normal, and this is my pitiful life. At least it'll be over soon, and I won't be hurting anyone with my presence anymore. They will understand, he'll understand, she'll understand. Everyone will.

They'll have to understand me, and even if they don't, they will forget about me in a few year's time. I will be nothing more than a memory. _Heh.. I already am, to my mother, to my distant family, to my classmates. I'm nothing but a distant fading memory._ Even the high can't completely take away my emptiness. I take another two hand fulls of pills, trying to further my high, slowly "high" myself into submission.

The feeling is changing, I'm more numb than anything, almost like I'm falling asleep, but I know I'm still fully awake, aren't I? Another hand full makes its way down my throat and everything changes. It's hard to see anything. Everything is so dim, so blurry. I bring the pill bottle up so I can see how many are left, but my hands are shaking really bad, I can't tell how many, can't think to figure out how to count them like this.

I still feel good, and I don't want it to end. I dump the rest of the bottle's content into my mouth and guzzle down water. Now I feel like I'm falling into water, so slowly, but I'm dry. I'm falling deeper and deeper, and I'm too sluggish to move against the current taking me down. It's becoming hard to breathe, but I don't fight it, the collapsing of my lungs.

I can see a light, but it's far away. Fading all too quickly. I don't reach for it, there's no point. I've already given up. There's no going back now. I'm not sure how, but my hand finds another bottle of pills and more flood down my throat. I can't feel anything at all, I'm so numb, my brain feels fuzzy inside, literally fuzzy. I like the fuzziness, it's interesting, entertaining, beautiful almost.

I like it, a lot. This is a new high I've never felt before, I've fallen so far now, and I just want to fall farther. I try to pour more pills into my mouth but the bottle is empty. I toss it on the floor next to the other one and I grab the final one. I open it and dump as many as I can fit, into my mouth. I swallow as many as I can, coughing violently, trying not to choke on what's left undigested.

After getting those down too, I'ts becoming very hard to focus. The room is spinning, and I can't breath at all. My lung scream for air, but I don't fight to get it. I stare at the dark ceiling, awaiting death. There's just to much going on in my mind, my body, and my heart. Just to much. My heart races, my lungs scream, and I can't move at all. Shouldn't I fight for life?

No, that's not what I want. I want death, because there's so much going through me. I'm broken. Heh, I can't believe it's taken this long, and my own will, to finally be completely broken. I'm finally completely broken. And in this, I find peace, and I don't want to go back to the way it was. I want to stay here, in this place between life and death. Because I finally got my wish. I'm what I truly want to be.

Finally...

Completely...

**Broken.**


	14. Gone

**A/N: To anyone who was confused about the ending of the last chapter, yes, Sora did kill himself, which is why this chapter is in Riku's P.O.V. This is the last chapter, so enjoy and review kindly! **

* * *

"I'll be back in a little while, Mom!" I yell as I open the front door.

Mom stops me, "Where are you going, Riku?"

"Sora wants me to come over. I'll be home soon." I reply, heading out the door.

"Be careful!" she yells after me.

I smile softly, rolling my eyes, "It's just down the street, Mom!"

The sky was dark, very dark. A storm is coming, a big one at that. I frown, my mind swirling. Finally I make it to Sora's, and the first thing I notice is that his Mom's car isn't in the driveway. _Where did she go?_ I try the door, and it's unlocked. I go inside and the lights are off. "Sora?" I call. I don't get an answer. _Maybe he's still asleep. He never was really good with time management._

I head for his room, frowning as I realize there's glass everywhere, and the pictures are on the floor. That explains that. Someone had a fit, probably his mother. I get to his room, dodging glass. His door is locked when I try to open it. I frown, "Sora? You awake yet? You wanted me to come over, remember? Sora?" There's still no answer so I fish a paperclip from my jacket pocket._ I really need to clean out my pockets.. _

I use the paperclip to unlock his door and I open it slowly, "Sora?"

At first glance, it seems like he's asleep, but with a closer look, I can see his eyes are open, and dulled so much they're almost completely gray. I instantly run over to him, my feet kicking an empty bottle of pills under his bed, "Sora!"

He's just laying there, staring at the ceiling, but no longer seeing. I look around, finding two more pills by my feet, along with a half empty water bottle turned on its side. I look back at my best friend's face. He's so pale.. How did I not notice how pale he'd been getting? I noticed a little, but not enough. I didn't notice anything enough.

"Sora.." I whisper, Why am I whispering? It's not like anyone's around to hear me. I gasp, "That was the point of having me come over now. He knew no one was around. He wanted... He wanted..."

I could feel it building, I was going to cry, wanted to cry; but nothing came. I hadn't cried since I kissed Sora. I still have no idea if what I did was stupid to him, it probably was.

"He wanted me to be the one to find him." I glare down at him, _How could he do this to me? Make me the one to find him? He's so selfish. I could have helped him! He wanted to do everything on his own, he wanted to end it on his own. _I wanted him to live, wanted him to enjoy life, but he didn't care. "Why are you so selfish?!" I screamed at him, "Why?!"

I wanted so badly to cry, but I still couldn't. What's wrong with me? I find my best friend dead, and I can't cry for him? I frown at him, the anger still swelling inside me, but I can't do anything. What's done is done. I can't bring him back. I sigh and close his eyes, then I sink down and sit beside his bed, staring at the two pill bottle by my feet. Three damn bottles of pills, and he took them all.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you." I breathe, leaning my head back against his bed. I frown closing my eyes. I should report his suicide, but I don't want to. Not yet. But if I don't, Mom will know something's up. I left an hour ago, if I don't report it soon, she'll know I hid it, even for an hour or so. Or she'll think I did something stupid, like kill him. That woman's mind is off the cliff sometimes.

I sigh and open my eyes, pulling my phone from my jacket pocket. Without even thinking, I go to my messages and stare at the last message Sora sent me. "_Come over tomorrow morning. No later, no earlier. Okay?" _I sigh, _He did this on purpose... _I exit the messages and dial 911 and wait.

"Hello, Destiny Island City Police. What is the state of your emergency?" a female voice asks.

"I just came over to my friend's house. I found him... He's... Dead. I found empty pill bottle on the floor. I think he killed himself." I respond, _It's all my fault, I couldn't save him. _

"I see. Have you touched the body?" she asks.

That's all he is now, just a body... "Yeah. I... I closed his eyes.."

"That's fine. What's the address?" she continues to ask.

"365 West Avenue." I state.

"Thank you, we'll be there soon. Try not to touch anything else." she hangs up.

I sigh and put my phone back up. It didn't take long for the sirens and lights to make their appearance. After answering a lot of questions about Sora, and how I know him, and how he's been acting lately, they take Sora away. I was surprised that they let me ride along with them. The ride was silent. I didn't feel like talking anyway. I just found my best friend, dead. They way he _planned_ it. _You're so selfish, Sora. So selfish... _

* * *

Sora's funeral was the next day. Surprise, surprise, Sora's Mom has gone missing. A lot of people were here, and that surprised me. I didn't think half of these people knew Sora. I see a few kids from school, some teachers. Even a few people I didn't know. Maybe his family? I notice Kairi and her father are here. She's crying, like I knew she would, while her Dad tries to comfort her.

My Mom is here with me, Dad is working, and my brothers didn't really see the point in going. They're older than I am, and they don't know Sora. Not that I cared. I didn't want them here anyway, they'd probably fall asleep or something. The preacher was talking about how good Sora was, and how his soul is at peace, and all sorts of blah, blah, blah I don't care about. I'm not religious, never have been.

I frown, _How can I call myself his best friend, when I haven't shed a single tear for his agony?_ Once the service is over and Sora's been buried and everyone's leaving, I ask Mom to wait for me. She nods and walks off towards the car. I take in a shaky breath, turning towards the headstone with Sora's name engraved in it. I look down at the dedication: _"In loving memory of Sora Stone, we love and miss you always. We'll see you in heaven someday." _

"Sora, what's it like...?" I mutter, turning my gaze towards the sky, the storm still threatening, "Do you feel pain and loneliness? Are you happy? Is your dad there, taking care of you?"

I had to confess, if I didn't, I felt like I'd explode, "I'm sorry, Sora. Forgive me.. I tried so hard to save you.. I couldn't change your mind, and now I've lost you forever... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.. I've failed you..."

I felt like I'd cry, and still so badly wanted to. The tears still wouldn't come. _Why can't I cry for him?! _

"Forgive me, Sora. I never told you this, and I really should have. Maybe even that day when I kissed you. I know it's too late for this, but..." I sigh, taking another shaky breath, _Here goes.._

"I love you."

"Riku! Come on, it's starting to rain!" Mom calls.

I touch the stone one more time, "I'll miss you." Then I turn and run for the car as the downpour begins.


End file.
